Conversations In Wunderland

"I can’t believe you'd say that shit to me."
"What the fuck are you talking about? You weren't even there half the time so how could you possibly know?"
"Ya know, the best thing about you, is that you always have some lame fucking excuse. You never take responsibility for anything. It's always the same sob story every time I see you. That’s why I fucking hate coming here."
She meant it.
"Then why do you come here? Just to confuse the shit out of me? Or because you like doing this to me?"
"I do it because...I don’t know. I just thought maybe something might change. That you might change. But you’re still the same arrogant asshole who I thought I once loved. It’s ridiculous! For me to think anything could be different between us."
She collapsed on the couch and buried her face in her hands.
"It can be different. I am different. You just don't want to see that!"
"See what?! That you’re just as irresponsible and depraved as you always were? Every time I see you, you always stink of liquor and pussy."
"What the fuck do you want from me?! You’re the one who left me, remember? It's not like I did this shit when we were together. I loved you and you fucking know it."
"Loved? Loved?! Oh so it's past tense now? I guess it's pretty easy for you to do this to someone you supposedly loved then. You haven't fucking changed at all"
She got up again.
"God! Damn it! I never did anything until we were dead and buried. And you still come here expecting what exactly? I still love you God damn it. But that was never enough!"
"That's all I wanted! That’s all I ever wanted from you! But all you did was drink and blow coke. You'd rather...sit on some…stupid sluts' lap at a bar then even tell me where you were."
Her face replayed the past.
"That's fuckin' bullshit and you know it. And what about him? Huh? You were doing what with him this whole time? You come here just to throw that in my face?"
"We were just friends. But at least he cared enough about me to show it. It would have taken a miracle to get you to notice me. I couldn't even make you happy. You'd just sit there like some rock star wannabe, smoking your cigarettes and drinking vodka all night instead of coming to bed with me."
"As I recall, you never complained about that shit, especially since you liked to partake in whatever was going on."
"The only reason I did that, was because I thought it might make you notice me! God! You think I like staying up till' five in the morning? And of course, you would talk to anyone but me...and as long as they had tits."
"That's fucking bullshit and you know it! And I saw you all the time! That doesn't mean I don't love you!"
"That does mean you don't love me! And according to the rest of the world it would mean the same thing! You never gave a shit at all. And you never had to feel guilty, because you were so nice to include me in your little festivities."
She was being sarcastic, of course.
"No! You listen. You use to say stuff like, 'we'd be together forever' and…'it'll all work out.' But it never did! I was sick of listening to you. Sick of waiting for my happy, story-book ending. You were the one who filled my head with that nonsense...Should have never even listened to you. GOD!! What was I thinking?!"
She got up.
"You act like you're the only one who wanted a happy ending. I tried the best I could! And at least I never dug up the past just to prove a point. What about all the shit you did? Huh?! You were fucking someone for the first 3 months I thought we were together!"
"Well...that's because I didn't know whether to take you seriously or not. And I should have listened to my friends. You were just as fucked up then as you are now."
She started pacing.
"Then don't bring up shit from the past. That’s not forgiveness, that’s fuckin' hypocrisy. And the only reason I'm fucked up now is because of you! You can't keep walking back into my life, tracking shit all over it, whenever you feel like it."
"No, the only reason you're fucked up is because you want to be! God, you're sad...Wallowing away in your little castle…While the world passes you by. You use to be someone I admired. A dreamer. Someone who had some God damn vision. Instead, now you'd rather just snort shit and…and fuck whatever skank happens to get sucked into your bullshit wake."
"You act like I never tried to make it work. I fuckin' tried!"
He deflected.
"Oh? And I didn't?! I tried for years! And I'm not trying anymore! There’s nothing in there that's worth saving..."
"So…What now? Is this the part where you write me off as dead again?"
"I don’t know...But I can't even be around you without wanting to...to…kill myself. Grow up. Get your shit together. And get on with your life."
She grabbed her bag and started to leave.
"I do have my shit together. All that's missing is you."
She opened the door.
"Well I'm not coming back…And you always had me. What was missing was you."

She kissed his cheek gently.
The door closed.

She was gone…

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