If you're reading this, it means I found the courage to send this to you.
I have never met anyone like you and I cant begin to tell you how much that scares me. From the moment we met, time stood still. And from the first time I heard you speak, my universe collapsed.
"..Are you trying to get me to stop moving?"
"No. I'm just going along for the ride."
You never missed a beat. But my heart did.
I know that if I don't tell you this, then it will build inside me and likely explode. Leaving me an empty shell of my former self, with shattered hopes and completely broken dreams. I use to think we would be together forever. But I had no idea how to make it work. We were kids. The timing was all wrong. And given the circumstances of our first encounter I should have seen the flashing lights and promptly removed my heart from my sleeve, as I often forget to do, and kept it hidden.
At least for a while.
You and I could not have been any different. But maybe that's why it worked for a time. I don't know.
But you saved me from myself. And I thank you for that. Before you, the life I had lived was empty. Devoid of any of the love and affection you showed me was possible. You didn't care who I was, or where I was going. You only cared that I was around. And for what it's worth I still think that's the best part of you. You live in a world where good and bad don't exist. Just people. People who have stories and who live their lives. And among the masses, there is you--loving and laughing and crying all at once. No matter what it makes you feel. You'll take it all. And with a sunny disposition you made even the darkest days brighter. I dont know where you are going. But I am glad I could say I was there.
Yet we can't be together. We both have a lot of living to do, and I'm sorry I won't be there. But something great lies over the horizon and it is waiting for you. With open arms and a warm smile, the world awaits. You will do great things. So keep on keepin' on woman. Blowing whichever way feels right.
I'm glad I was the one that got to hold you for a little while. It could not have been any more amazing and terrifying; dysfunctional, and inspiring all at the same time. We have been through a lot, you and I. Across the world and back. But somehow I knew I would fuck it up. It was only a matter of time. I can't pinpoint where it all turned but it's better that way. A blur of joy and pain. A book of emotions that keeps rewritng itself.
I love you. I always have. But I don't think I'd ever be able to show you what that love means. And if that's true, then I've already lost you.
So take care out there Marnie. The world has a funny way of losing people. But wherever you go, you will never be alone.